Journey
by Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein
Summary: Leah Clearwater: an enigmatic, interesting character. Her life was torn apart at a tender age, and she's never been able to pick up the pieces. Until now. Leah/OC.
1. introduction

"If all else perished, and _he_ remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the Universe would turn to a mighty stranger."

Emily Brontë

_Wuthering Heights_


	2. prologue: loved

_prologue: loved_

If she would have known it was this easy to love again, she would have tried to. There was something about the danger, about being on a knife's point, something exhilarating that she surprised herself by liking. She watched him out of the corners of her eyes, but his glance was away. Probably thinking about _her_. She hated that she had picked him to love, but it really wasn't her choice. Even if she had a choice, she knew she wouldn't have picked him. His gaze suddenly met hers, and she looked down, cheeks burning. He couldn't know. Not yet.


	3. one: betrayed

_one: betrayed_

"LEAH!" It was Karen Uley's voice, screaming to Leah Clearwater from behind one of these trees. She jogged toward the sound of Karen's voice, her silky black hair fanning out behind me. "Leah, I found him!"

Leah exhaled sharply, relieved. Her jog picked up into a sprint as she dashed to see the face of the man she loved, the man who had fallen off the face of the earth for two straight weeks. She saw Karen's ponytail blowing, and she ran to it. Karen was helping someone off the ground, and Leah's breath caught. Sam looked at her, and she thoughtlessly threw her arms around him. His arms wrapped tentatively around her, but his hold was not tight and comforting, like in her memories. It was loose and uncomfortable. Leah pulled away.

"Oh my God, Sam," she breathed. He stared at her, but his eyes were tense and animal-like, darting from place to place in discomfort. "Where have you been?" Sam didn't speak. His gaze never held one place for long. Leah turned to Karen. "What's wrong with him?" she demanded Karen.

Karen shrugged, turning Sam's face deliberately to look at her. "Sam, Sam, honey, what's wrong?" she asked. His face was empty, no sign of the Sam Leah'd fallen in love with in the transparent features. Leah had been working tirelessly with Karen to try to find Sam, but now that she'd found him, she felt oddly let down. She left Karen trying to revive Sam.

Leah tried to hold herself together as she tore through the woods. Something was wrong with Sam. Nothing could change a person that much, could it? Nothing could take bubbly, outgoing Sam to this. That's what she fervently told herself.

But not all hopes, no matter how fervent, are reality. Sam never was the same. Leah tried to fix him, to get back to the old Sam, the one she was in love with. And somehow, throughout all of this, she was still in love with him. Even through this total personality overhaul, she had never even stopped loving him. Even through what happened next, she never stopped loving him.

-----

"Emily's coming down for the weekend!" Seth cheered. Leah's little brother Seth was thirteen, and a total pain in the ass. However, he was the bearer of good news at this particular moment. Emily was Leah's second cousin who lived on the Makah reservation just north of La Push. The two girls were practically like sisters, and they had so much fun together.

"When's she gonna be here?" Leah asked her mom, Sue, who was stirring something or other. Sue was always cooking.

"An hour or so," Sue told Leah. "Leah, your bedroom is a wreck. Go clean it up, please, Emily will be sleeping there." Too excited about Emily's arrival to complain, Leah dashed upstairs to tidy her small room.

By the time Leah had finished folding all the clothes that littered the floor, making her bed for the first time in a long time, and straightening all the posters and pictures taped to every available surface, she heard Seth's excited shout from downstairs. "She's here, she's here!" he chanted. She flew back downstairs just in time, as Emily walked in.

"Leah!" she exclaimed, pulling Leah into a hug.

"Hey, Emily!" she said, a smile in her voice. Emily leaned down to hug Seth, then embraced Sue and Leah and Seth's dad Harry.

"Hi, Seth. Hey, Sue. Hi, Harry. How's it going?" Emily said politely.

"We're great, sweetie," Sue answered for the family. "Why don't you take those bags up to Leah's room? She just cleaned it, so it should look nice enough for you." Emily picked up her navy blue duffel bag, hoisted it over her shoulder, and followed Leah back up the steps. She dropped the bag on one of Leah's twin beds, and flopped down next to it.

"How are things, Leah?" Emily asked.

"Good," Leah replied. Generic answer. But apparently her voice wasn't convincing enough. Emily sat up and eyed Leah skeptically.

"Doesn't sound 'good,'" she remarked.

Leah sighed, then, figuring she could trust Emily, launched into the story. "Well, it's my boyfriend, Sam," she began. "He is awesome, and amazing, and I love him, but one day he disappeared off the face of the earth. Me and his mom Karen found him, two weeks later. But he's not really the same. He's more edgy, kind of tense, like something bad is going to happen every passing second. And I have no idea what's wrong." Leah stopped, frowning, then looked at Emily. A thoughtful expression occupied her face.

"Can I meet Sam? I think I know what you mean," requested Emily. Leah shrugged.

"Okay," she agreed. She helped Emily up off the bed, and the two went downstairs. "Mom, I'm taking Emily to meet Sam, 'kay? We'll be back whenever." Sue shrugged wordlessly and went back to stirring. Leah held open the door for Emily, and the two of them headed to the Uleys.

When Leah knocked on the door of Sam's house, Karen pulled open the door. "Hi, Leah," she said heavily. She sounded tired. "I'll get Sam."

It was a moment before Sam showed up. Leah fingered the hem of her shirt awkwardly, her eyes downcast. When she looked up, Sam was there. But he wasn't looking at her. He was looking at Emily, and his eyes were alight. "Sam?" Leah said hesitantly. Why was he looking at Emily like that? Leah was the one who needed that look. She needed reminding sometimes.

"Leah, who's this?" Sam asked her without looking away from Emily. Leah shot a glance at her cousin. Emily was staring at the ground, looking uncomfortable. Leah wondered if she would feel that way under the intensity of Sam's gaze too.

"Oh, this is my cousin, Emily. Emily, this is my boyfriend, Sam," Leah introduced quickly.

"Emily," Sam breathed. Emily looked pleadingly at Leah. Abruptly, Sam tore his eyes away. Leah noted the effort it took, and it hurt like a punch to the gut. Sam loved her. He had told her so. So why was he looking at Emily like that? "I have to go," he mumbled. He ran onto the porch and down the driveway, faster than Leah had ever seen.

Gently, Leah pulled the door closed as she and Emily stared after Sam. "What was that all about?" Emily demanded.

"I wish I knew," Leah sighed wistfully, feeling betrayed.

Somewhere in the distance, both girls heard the poignant howling of a wolf.

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**okay. i don't know how far this will go. i don't have any ideas after this, and i don't know when this will be updated. so don't get too attached! i have no idea what i'm doing! :) well, leave me a review anyway. maybe i'll get inspired. lovelovelove, m**


	4. two: mauled

_two: mauled_

_Crap, crap, crap._

Pant pant.

Sam Uley felt the crunch of leaves beneath his paws. He wished he were the leaves. He wished that someone would crush him. He hated what he had done. He wished he could go back.

_Crap, crap, crap._

Pant pant.

He wished he were anyone but himself now. He knew what had just happened, and he wanted to take it back. He wanted to love Leah. He wanted to make her happy, more than anything.

_Crap, crap, crap._

Pant pant.

Sam made a U-turn and ran toward the light. It was a stupid move, he knew. But he had to get his anger out on something. He attacked the nearest tree, shredding its bark and branches.

_Crap, crap, crap._

Pant pant.

Something rustled in the woods, close to the edge. Sam inched closer, curious. Then he heard the sound of muffled sobs. Unthinkingly, he hurled at the creature. He had to get his anger out.

It was too late when he realized who was under his claws, whose blood was dirtying his black fur. He howled once, the sound tortured.

_I'm sorry, Emily. I'm sorry, Leah._

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**you asked for angst, angst you will get. thanks to all my reviewers. y'all inspired me to keep writing, and i got this! special thanks to the lovely lovely churoettes (sp? sorry!) who sent me a review, like, five minutes after posting. Sam cookies to you for the quick response. and...review this so i know my efforts aren't wasted!!**


	5. three: exploded

_three: exploded_

_one year later_

"Go away, Seth!" Leah screamed. She was on the verge of tears, again. She had been so moody and emotional lately. She'd been trying to blame it on PMS, but her period was so late, she didn't think she could.

"God, Leah, what is your deal?" Seth rolled his eyes. "I just needed your iPod charger. No need to have a freakout."

"Well, I had a freakout, okay? And now get your sorry ass the hell out of here before I kick it out of here so hard you won't know what friggin' happened!" Leah threatened.

"Look, Lee, I know you're still sad about Dad—" Seth began. Leah cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it!" she cried. "Get! Out! Do I have to MAKE YOU?"

Finally, Seth abandoned his cause and stalked away, slamming Leah's door behind him. Leah fell facedown on her bed and started to cry, for no apparent reason. She hiccuped and sobbed and snotted all over her sheets, and still couldn't seem to get it all out. Was she still crying over Sam? Of the loss of three of the most important people in her life? It was unreasonable to be so messed up about Sam and Emily now. She'd heard they were engaged. Not like she cared. She hoped Emily would look pretty in her white dress. She hoped she would never have to see Emily in her white dress.

"Leah?" came a muffled voice from outside Leah's bedroom door. It was Sue. "Lee-lee, you in here?"

"_Don't call me Lee-lee_!" Leah roared. And then, very suddenly, she was exploding.

Leah vaguely saw her favorite shirt shred into pieces of fluttering orange fabric, and her jeans break at the seams. But what was of more importance was the heat that she felt emanating from every corner of her body, and the dark fur that seemed to be coming from inside of her, flipping her skin inside out. She fell to all fours, and felt herself grow taller and wider.

All of this happened in a split second that seemed to last hours.

Leah caught a glimpse of herself in her bedroom mirror, and whimpered a little. She was a giant wolf: with dark brown fur, huge black eyes, and a horse-sized frame. What was happening to her?

_Leah?_ A voice pierced into Leah's head. _Leah, don't be afraid. You have to calm down. This is Sam._

She stopped briefly to allow the pain to sink in before she responded. _Are you in my head? What the hell is happening to me?_

_You're a werewolf now, Leah, just like me._

_Just like me._ Suddenly, things began to fall into place. The disappearance, the distance in Sam's eyes, even Emily's face. _Oh, God,_ Leah thought numbly.

_Don't be scared,_ Sam repeated_._

_Help_, Leah begged weakly. She didn't care that she was talking to Sam. She just wanted some clarity. _Help me, Sam_.

* * *

**awesome! positive feedback! i loves it. keep it up. or if negative feedback is required, bring it, baby! :) well, i hope you enjoyed it again, review!**


	6. four: frustrated

_four: frustrated_

_two weeks later_

How frustrating.

It had only been two weeks since Leah's life as she knew it had been blown apart. Everything that she'd heard at those bullshit campfires that Sue had forced her to was the truth. And on top of that, Emily had learned the truth a whole freaking year before Leah, thanks to some love-at-first-sight imprinting shit. Emily didn't even have to become a werewolf. And Leah didn't buy it. Not a bit.

Not only was she some freaky wolf beast thing, but she was the black sheep of the werewolf world, the weirdest of the weird. Leah was the only girl wolf; the rest of their little "pack" were guys. Sam was the leader—go figure—and her just-turned-fifteen brother, Seth, had phased for the first time a few weeks before Leah. Everyone was in on it, even Sue, and that just annoyed the hell out of her.

And then—having to spend all that time with Sam just hurt her. She had avoided looking at him or interacting with him, but interaction was unavoidable now.

Leah's hands found a sharp pair of scissors, and her fingers looped through the holes. With every new frustration, she sliced through a lock of her waist-length raven-black hair. And when she rain out of hair, she looked around her feet. With a low whimper, Leah exploded out of her clothes and leaped through her open window before anyone could see her.

* * *

**kind of short, but i didn't want to leave you hanging. it's my spring break starting today (yay!) and i'm going out of state for a couple days. so i won't be posting from Sunday to the next Thursday, April 12-April 16. sorry, but i would rather go on vacation then stay home anyway. review! and if you've ever read Cassandra Clare's freaking awesome Mortal Instruments series, go check out my MI oneshots, "Stubborn" and "Just Because." all right, that's it! if i get inspired i'll post tomorrow, but if i don't, see you the 16th! REVIEW!**


	7. five: imprinted

_five:imprinted_

_a year and a half later_

(_post-_Breaking Dawn_)_

There was one box of pasta left, and it was angel hair. Sue Clearwater's famous egg noodle stew was going to have to work with spaghetti noodles. Leah tossed the box into her shopping cart, scrawling over the word "noodles" on her shopping list. The next thing on the list was Ho-Hos. Leah grabbed up her shopping basket, the plastic bags containing her produce crinkling lightly as she moved.

Leah's cell phone buzzed. "Dammit," she mumbled. She dropped her basket and fumbled in her purse until she came across the phone. "What?" she demanded.

"Ah, you're still my friendly sister, I can see."

"What do you want, Seth?" Leah was so not in the mood. Seth's banter was just annoying her.

"Sue wants to know when you're going to come visit," Seth reported. "I think she misses you. It sucks having her breathe down my neck all the time, anyway. So come soon."

"God, I don't know," sighed Leah. "At this point, I'm just trying to go one day at a time. But tell Sue I love her, okay?"

"That's a little offensive. Don't you love me?"

Leah rolled her eyes. "Fine. Love you too, Seth. I'll try and come as soon as I can, 'kay? Tell Sue I'm making her stew. Bye." Leah stuck her phone back in her purse, scooped up her shopping basket, and ambled through the rest of the store.

And then, turning into the snack cake aisle, missing her mom and even her little brother, was when Leah first saw him. The fact that he was taking the last box of Ho-Hos was so beyond her at that point. He had ink-black hair, streaked through with electric blue, lime green, and scarlet. He had angel bite piercings below his lip, and another ring through the same lip. Two more piercings adorned his nose and eyebrow. He was wearing crimson skinny jeans, a beat-up black t-shirt with silver lettering on it that said Death Cab for Cutie, and a leather jacket. Checkerboard Vans covered his feet.

He was definitely the weirdest-looking person Leah had ever seen, the kind of person who Leah looked at with disgust when she rode the public bus. Yet there was a strange pull to him. That was when Leah realized with absolute horror that she had just imprinted on this kid. "Shit!" she mumbled to herself. He hadn't heard her, thank God. But oh crap, oh crap, what was she going to do? She thought of calling Jacob—her best friend, her right hand man—but she knew to do that she'd have to step away from this awful, amazing guy, and she just couldn't.

Desperately, she tried to think of something to say, just to hear his voice. "Hey, trying to make off with the last of the Ho-Hos?" was what she came up with. He whirled around, and Leah got a better look at his face. His eyes were a weird shade of light green, the same color as celery. Leah had never seen anything like it.

"Huh?" he asked, confused, the Ho-Ho box suspended in midair.

"The Ho-Hos," Leah repeated, the humor wearing off at the second repetition. "Are you just going to take them and not think about the rest of Forks' Ho-Ho emergencies?"

The guy laughed. Leah hated that she liked that sound. She gave him a second, closer scrutiny, and decided he was eighteen or nineteen, twenty tops, just around the same age as she was. "Sorry. Didn't realize I would be revoking a poor lady's Ho-Ho privileges." He chucked Leah the box, which she caught in a sinuous motion. "Guess I'll have to settle for Twinkies." He mock-sighed, tossing the Twinkies into his cart.

"That's very chivalrous." Leah dropped the Ho-Hos into her basket. "Thanks."

"I'm Keenan Brock," blurted the guy with a grin. Leah looked him up and down and decided the name suited him perfectly.

"Leah Clearwater," she introduced herself, shoving her bangs out of her eyes to look at Keenan. She tried her absolute hardest to look away, to stare at the floor, to be fascinated with the noodles, but she couldn't. She was, unfortunately, stuck in his eyes. He was smiling at her, but she couldn't place her face in the same position. And just as quickly as their moment was shared, it was dashed as another girl rounded the corner.

She was all black hair and red lips, very beautiful. Her raven hair (obviously from a bottle, Leah noted with satisfaction; Leah's Native American hair color was all natural) waved almost to her waist. She was wearing a sheer, ripped white t-shirt over a black and purple striped long-sleeved t-shirt. Her black skirt was criminally short, and worn over neon pink leggings. A studded belt hung around her slim hips, and she had on an enormous ruby red cocktail ring. From the possessive way she nearly dug her ebony fingernails into Keenan's skin, it was apparent that this girl was his girlfriend. Leah tried not to let that get to her.

"Hey, Tori," Keenan said. Tori smiled and took the opportunity to plant a sloppy, open-mouthed on Keenan. Leah turned away disgustedly. Imprint or no imprint, this was too much.

While Keenan and Tori made out (that lip ring of his had to hurt her. What Leah surprised herself by thinking was that she wanted to find out what it felt like under her lips), Leah took the opportunity to make her escape. But somehow Leah knew that she would find him again. The power of the imprint, she supposed. And she'd never been more disgusted with herself.

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**hello! i'm back from my tres relaxing vacay! there was a 4-hr car ride back and forth, and now i'm up to chapter 8! gasp! check out "Meteor," which is awesome, and some of my new Mortal Instruments fics if you like those books. (if you don't or haven't read them, you're crazy. go read them. i heart Simon.) review!**


	8. six: scared

_six: scared_

Leah shoved the Thriftway bags into the trunk of her forty-year-old Chrysler, feeling utterly confused. She knew she had imprinted on Keenan. She knew that he was completely out of her reach. She knew that her sides had started aching the minute she had stepped out of the snack cake aisle, and she knew that they would hurt more the farther she went from Keenan. And she knew that she was totally, totally screwed.

She stomped the gas probably a little more enthusiastically than was really necessary. But she was pissed at herself for imprinting on a emo guy with a beautiful girlfriend. She didn't know what to do next. When she pulled up at her 400-square-foot apartment, which was really just a kitchen and a bathroom with a little extra space in between, she called Jacob, flopping over onto her tattered couch. "Leah?" he answered on the third ring.

"Oh, shit, Jake, I need help," Leah breathed.

"Lee? What's wrong?"

"I just—I just imprinted."

"What?" Jacob's voice was stunned. "When? On who? Tell me everything!"

"Okay, his name's Keenan Brock, I met him in the snack cake aisle at the Thriftway, fifteen minutes ago. God, Jacob, I'm freaking out. His girlfriend Tori was there, and they were making out, and it _hurt_ me, Jacob, but it hurt even more to walk away." Leah's tone gained momentum, rising in volume. "And I don't want to be imprinted on him. I don't want to love him, but I know that I will! It's like fucking Sam all over again, and _I don't know what to do_! Help." The last word of Leah's rant was softer than her building tone, a whisper.

"Oh, oh my God," Jacob muttered under his breath. "Leah, uh, stay calm. Are you at your apartment?"

"Yes," Leah whispered.

"I'll be over. Hang on, Leah. Just hang on." Jacob's voice was soothing, but it did little to calm Leah's fraying nerves. "I'll be there." The phone line went dead, and Leah stared at the phone in her hand that read _call ended_. She felt her body start to shake, and she stared at her vibrating arms. She had barely pulled her shirt over her head and stepped out of her green sweatpants before she phased.

Leah suppressed a howl, knowing it would alarm her neighbors. Instead, she curled into a ball and felt sorry for herself.

* * *

**hey ppl! thanks for all the lovely reviews. y'all make my day. let me just tell you, i am in love with Keenan. is it sad to be in love with your own OC? whatever. leave some love (or hate) for me! and then go rad my other stories, including my loverly-tastic Mortal Instruments fics. go Jace!! all right, toodles! review!**


	9. seven: wondered

_seven: wondered_

Keenan dropped Tori off at the apartment the couple shared, but turned around and went to pick up a couple cases of beer. His fake ID burned a hole in his back pocket. He hated to use it, but he liked the refreshing taste and wasn't legal yet. He was only a year away from being legal, anyway.

As he drove, he thought about that girl Leah from the grocery store. She seemed sweet, and she was pretty in a way that he hadn't really seen before. She was kind of the anti-Tori. Keenan wondered about that look on Leah's face when she'd seen him. It was almost as if she was a blind woman who had just had her eyes opened. It was weird.

Keenan pulled up at the 7-11 and shrugged. Why was he worrying about some chick he'd never see again? He whipped out the ID, laughing shortly, and climbed out of the car.

* * *

**just a little insight about Keenan. (who i still love. even if he uses a fake ID. i shouldn't have written that part in but oh well.) review! and then check out my other fics ("Journey" and my Mortal Instruments oneshots [the Mortal Instruments series starts with _City of Bones_ and they're by Cassandra Clare.]).**


	10. eight: wanted

_eight: wanted  
_

By the time Jacob showed up, Leah was back in her human form. But she was crying unattractively, crying like she had right before she'd phased for the very first time. Jacob found Leah curled up on the threadbare sofa, sobbing. He mumbled incomprehensibly under his breath. He had never been good with emotional girls, and had always steered clear of upset sisters and angry Bella or Renesmee. "Leah?" he ventured.

Leah looked up at him. Jacob had to admit, she looked liked a trainwreck. Her black eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Her skin was blotchy, and her hair was in tangled knots around her head. "Oh, it's you." She noticed his scrutiny and smiled sheepishly despite herself. "I know, I know, I look like crap." She tried to laugh, but the effort was feeble.

"Um..." Jacob tried to think of something appropriate to say in this situation. "Why are you so worked up about an imprint?" He bit his lip a millisecond after he realized what had just come out of his mouth. That just underlined his tactlessness.

Leah glared malevolently, one thing she hadn't forgotten how to do from her enemy days with Jacob. "Be_cause_," she stressed. "This is all wrong. He's not my type, not at all, and he has a girlfriend, and I just know how this is going to end." Her voice cracked, and then she was crying again.

_Come on_, Jacob complained to himself. How was he supposed to deal with a sobbing girl? He stared at his best friend, and said awkwardly, "Um. Please stop crying. It's really weirding me out."

"Oh, sorry," Leah said sarcastically through tears. "My main goal is to not weird you out by being female. Sorry for ruining that."

Jacob grimaced. "Okay. I deserved that," he admitted. "But I don't know what you want me to do here, Leah. Do you want me to tell you it's going to be fine? Do you want me to tell you that he'll fall in love with you and dump his girlfriend, or do you want me to tell you he's going to forget about you? Or do you just want me to watch you cry? I need answers, Leah, because I can't help you without them."

Leah dried her eyes from most of the wetness, although some tears still flowed freely. "This is kind of a weird situation, Jake. I don't know what I want. I don't want him to fall in love with me, because I don't like him. But it hurts when he's with his girlfriend, and then I do want him to fall in love with me, because that doesn't hurt. So I don't know what I want from you." Her black eyes were glassy.

Jacob bit back a sarcastic, "Oh, thanks," because he didn't want to set Leah off again. So instead, he sank down into the tattered couch next to his best friend and tentatively wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She hid her face in his chest and sobbed. He thought that maybe, maybe that's what she wanted, and held on tight.

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**omg omg mega mega thanks and love to the awesome SimplyDazzling, who flatters me out of my skin. Keenan and Seth cookies, babe. and thanks for everyone else reviewing. you guys are the creme to my Oreo. review again! then check out "Meteor" and my MI fics!**


	11. nine: argued

_nine: argued_

Tori woke up pissed.

She stared at the still-sleeping face of Keenan in front of her, her eyes narrowing insolently. Most nights, when the only noise in the darkness was the sound of rustling sheets, Tori could feel the electricity between them. But last night, she could tell that Keenan's mind wasn't where his body was.

Slowly, Keenan's eyes opened. The pale lids revealed those captivating light green eyes. Tori had fallen for his eyes. "Morning, Tor," he mumbled. He blinked his thick black lashes.

Tori didn't speak. She knew it was juvenile, but she was not happy with him. So she just stared, letting a hint of a glare into her turquoise blue eyes. But he looked so adorable, with that eyeliner smudged under his eyes...She shook her head to dispel all thoughts like that one. She was ticked. _I. Am. Ticked._

Keenan's dark brows knitted together, the ring in one of them twitching with the movement. "What's wrong?" he asked. He generally seemed to not know.

Succumbing to her nervous habit of smoothing her hair from neck to waist, Tori finally said, "What was with last night, Keen?"

"Last night?" Keenan echoed, sounding puzzled. Tori rolled her eyes in exasperation. Obviously she would have to spell it out for him.

"You seemed...distracted." Tori forced herself to meet Keenan's gaze, still taming her bedhead-wild wavy locks.

Understanding now, Keenan's tongue flicked out. The stud in it clacked against the hoop in his lip as he stayed silent. Tori's infuriation grew with every second of quiet. "What is it?" she finally demanded, her voice acidic. She tried to keep her tone under control without lessening the urgency. "What aren't you telling me. You know you can tell me anything, Keenan."

"I know," Keenan replied, heaving a sigh. "But..."

"But," Tori prompted, suddenly feeling like an insecure preadolescent again.

"Nothing," Keenan muttered. He started to pull himself into a sitting position. Tori followed, arranging her hair in two ebony rivers down her shoulders that collected on her hips and masked her bare chest. She reminded herself that Keenan had seen her naked before, but something was off, and until then, she felt like she had to cover herself.

"No. It's not nothing." Tori's hand caught his shoulder.

Keenan took a deep breath, then spoke. His words came out in an incomprehensible rush. "Wellthere'sthisgirlnamedLeahthatImetintheThriftwayyesterdayandIjustcan'tgetheroffmymind. Pleasedon'tbepissedoff'causeit'snotlikeI'mgonnagofallinlovewithLeahoranything'causeI'minlovewithyouofcoursebutIjustcan'tstopthinkingabouther."

"What?" All that had just gone in one ear and out the other.

"Um..." Keenan's rings clacked again as he prepared to say it all again. Tori eyed him suspiciously. "I met this g—this person named Leah yesterday, and God, I just can't stop thinking about her."

"What?" Tori repeated, this time her voice completely shocked, hurt, and angry.

"Tor..." Keenan began. He swallowed hard, and then continued. "Babe, I don't—"

"You don't what?" Tori yelled. Anger was overcoming shock and hurt as her dominant emotion. "Don't think like that? That's a lie, Keenan, a huge fucking lie! Obviously if you can't get her off your mind for just a little while so you can concentrate on loving _me_—"

"Tori, listen—"

"No, you listen! Why don't you just get the hell out of my apartment and go find your fucking Leah! Maybe _she'll_ want you!" _Whore_, Tori added mentally. She wondered vaguely if she was overreacting, but she shut that voice up fast.

Without a word, Keenan pulled himself out of bed. He calmly pulled on his pants and t-shirt, slipped into his Converse, and walked out, shutting the bedroom door behind him.

It wasn't until he was gone that Tori realized she'd made a huge mistake. She wanted to cry, "Wait!" But she couldn't find her voice.

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**once again, penned in science. i must do my best writing there. lol. well, review my baby, and then go check out my other stories, "Meteor" and my MI fics. LONG LIVE MAIA! :) allrightythen...bye!**


	12. ten: decided

_ten: decided_

Leah woke up the next morning feeling a million times better. The only remainder of yesterday's meltdown that Leah could notice was one hell of a headache. She tossed an Advil before going to see what she could scrounge up for breakfast.

She munched on cold ramen noodles and, after finishing, unwrapped a Ho-Ho. As she swallowed the snack cake deliciousness, she closed her eyes. Unwanted images of Keenan flooded her brain, danced and swam behind her eyes. Leah smacked herself in the temple, trying to rid herself of his face. It was worth the intensified headache. She threw out the rest of the Ho-Ho, suddenly lacking in appetite.

When she'd practically eaten everything out of her poorly stocked fridge, she ambled back to her bed. It was really just a pull-out couch with ratty sheets and a moth-eaten blanket. Leah collapsed on top of the itchy blanket, wondering what she'd be doing with her day.

The ringing phone scared the crap out of Leah. She jumped a mile, before she calmed herself down and reached for it. "Hello?" she said, the first time she'd spoken since Jacob had left the previous night.

"Leah?" It was Jacob.

"Hey, Jake." Leah pulled herself up into a sitting position.

"Are you okay?" Jacob's concern seemed genuine. "I feel like I should have you on suicide watch or something.

Leah rolled her eyes. "I'm _fine_, Jake. Chill out. Is that why you called, to be sure I hadn't slashed my wrists open and was lying in my bed, writing morbid poetry with my blood?"

"Damn, Leah, dark much?" But Jacob chuckled, so Leah figured she was off the hook. "Well, anyway, glad you're okay. Have you figured out what you're going to do about Keenan?"

The sound of his name made Leah finch slightly. "No," she finally answered. And she decided to leave it at that.

After she and Jacob got off the phone, Leah considered what to do about Keenan. She knew that she could either pursue him, ignore him, or sit on her pull-out stewing about it. She decided option C was out, and carefully considered the pros and cons of the first two.

If she tried to see him again, she knew she could control the pain in her sides—and maybe her headache from hell too. She could finally have a happy life with somebody who she loved. But he had a gorgeous girlfriend. She knew Tori was not the kind of girl who would just get dumped for another girl, and Leah was definitely not the type that people dumped others for. And then, just everything about him was so wrong. The hair, the rings, the clothes...Leah just couldn't handle it. That's why he had Tori, right?

If she ignored him, her life might go back to normal. She could forget about the imprinting shit—because she knew she couldn't imprint twice. She could live her like the way she could have if she'd never gone to buy Ho-Hos at the Thriftway. She could fall in love, get married, have little werewolf children without having to think of Keenan or imprinting ever again. But she knew that the pain in her sides would never go away. And she also realized that she would never fully be able to forget the bizarre, beautiful boy she'd imprinted on. She was just kidding herself hoping.

Leah got dressed methodically, taking extra time to button, then unbutton her sweater and make sure her jeans were hanging just right on her hips. And that was when Leah decided. She was sick of games and sick of pretending. Sick of crying and sick of her best friend having her on suicide watch.

Leah decided to find Keenan.

* * *

**pretty short but it's also pretty good i think. hey if anyone's familiar with the people of Paramore, you have to check out Taylor's new hair cut. he's a hot one. http:// www. paramore. net/ photoView?album=mobilestream&value=&photo=16146&albumPageid=1&secAlbumPageid=1&photoSerial=3 minus all the spaces.** **he didn't used to be this hot but DAMN he is now. review after gazing at Taylor for ten minutes straight. then read "Meteor," my MI fics, and my oneshots.**

**speaking of my oneshots...i have a favor to ask y'all. if anyone knows the song "Much Like Falling" by Flyleaf and are willing to collaborate on a songfic, let me know in the review. i'm stuck and i could use a cowrite. thanks!  
**


	13. eleven: glanced

_eleven: glanced_

Step, step, step, step. Keenan had no idea where he was going, but he kept going. He was in the city now, nowhere near the low-rise apartment he'd once shared with Tori in the suburbs of Seattle. People of all different races and shapes and appearances bustled and rushed around him. Suddenly, it felt like the world was closing in on him. Feeling claustrophobic, Keenan ducked into the nearest shop, a Starbucks.

His eyes scanned the crowd. It was still fairly early, and the place was bustling. Keenan saw people in suits, sipping black coffee and tapping on laptop keyboards. Teenage girls sipped their skim milk lattes, counting calories. A lone girl with short black hair sat in a corner, stirring around what looked like a frappucino. Then, with a jolt, he recognized the girl. It was Leah Clearwater.

Under the pretense of buying an espresso, Keenan stared at Leah. He supposed he should hate her for driving that wedge between him and Tori. He knew he probably shouldn't've been thinking about her last night, because he should've realized Tori would perceive that. But he figured there had to be some reason he couldn't stop thinking about her. He was curious.

Only when the coffee-girl stared at him in annoyance was when Keenan realized he was knocking his tongue stud against his lip ring again. He really had to stop doing that. Quickly, Keenan bit down on his tongue to stop his nervous habit. "Here ya go," the salesgirl said emotionlessly, thrusting the coffee at him.

"Thanks," Keenan muttered, grabbing the steaming cup. His lined green eyes flicked to Leah and back down to his coffee. Carefully, he moved toward Leah. He decided to sit in the empty chair next t o Leah—but not look at her. He would not look at her.

Keenan sank into the plush chair, blowing at the hot liquid. He took a tentative sip, and it burned down his throat. He shut his eyes, so he couldn't glance at her. He wouldn't. He wouldn't.

_I won't look at her. I won't look at her. I won't..._

Too late.

* * *

**like, seriously. cue the heart attack. lol! well...thanks to seashell118 for falling in love with Keenan too. review! and then check out the next chapter, which gave me a heart attack to write! then review that too. btw, don't need anymore help with "Much Like Falling"... got it now! check out "Meteor" which could use some love, and my MI fics!**


	14. twelve: loved reprise

_twelve: loved (reprise)_

Love. What a word. But she knew it the second she saw him again. If she would have known it was this easy to love again, she would have tried to. There was something about the danger, about being on a knife's point, something exhilarating that she surprised herself by liking. She watched him out of the corners of her eyes, but his glance was away. Probably thinking about _her_. She hated that she had picked him to love, but it really wasn't her choice. Even if she had a choice, she knew she wouldn't have picked him. His gaze suddenly met hers, and she looked down, cheeks burning. He couldn't know. Not yet.

* * *

**:) review!**


	15. thirteen: disappeared

_thirteen: disappeared_

**you are the truth****  
I'm screaming these lies****  
you are the truth  
saving my life**

There were so many options for Leah at that moment, so many opened doors. Yet Leah chose the worst possible choice. She bolted. After she managed to struggle out of Keenan's sweet, green-eyed gaze, she picked up her chai tea frappucino and just up and left, melting effortlessly into the Seattle rush.

After her feet were tired, she realized they had carried her down Third Street, all the way to the waters' edge. Quickly, Leah darted to a bus bench. She sank into it, her head falling into her hands. Why had she done that? Why had she just run away from the man who held her life in his hands? Why was she so afraid? And more importantly, what was she so afraid of?

-----

**my hands are open****  
and you are filling them****  
hands in the air  
in the air, in the air, in the air**

"Ah, shit." Of course he had scared her away. Keenan watched her dash out, her knuckles white from so tightly gripping her plastic frappucino cup. He started toying with his lip ring again, fuming pissed at himself.

Thoughtlessly, he leaped up, the espresso sloshing inside the styrofoam cup. He burst through the doors of Starbucks and stared at the perpetual motion of the crowd. There were so many faces, but not one of them was Leah's. Frantically, he ran forward, hoping to catch just a glimpse...

The half-empty cup very suddenly fell out of Keenan's hand and splashed his shoes, staining the white rubber toes on his black Converse an ugly brown. And yes, his cup was half-empty. Today wasn't one of Keenan's optimistic days.

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**sorry this one was a real shortie. thanks a million and one for reviewing! check out "Meteor" (which yes, i did get around to updating) and my newest fanfic contest called 100-Word Drabbles. today is immaculate (just like Adam Lambert's vocals!) so i must go outside and enjoy sprrrrringtime! reviewww! (and check out my MI fics.)**


	16. fourteen: returned

_fourteen: returned_

Wolf-Leah cowered under the scratchy blanket on the lumpy mattress, emitting low whimpers. She tried to breathe, to calm down enough to phase back. Her long legs and arms hung off the tiny bed uncomfortably, and she couldn't get her position right no matter how much she shifted. Her nose and muzzle weren't hidden under the blanket, and all the familiar scents of her high-rise in downtown met it. Her beady black eyes stared out at the tiny room, seeing the shreds of her pink t-shirt and gray denim skinnies. Chunks of foam that used to be flip-flops littered what was once her outfit, dotting it like sprinkles on an ice cream sundae.

When her intercom buzzed, Leah jumped. Suddenly able to phase, Leah shimmered into her human form and tore through her drawers, looking for acceptable clothing. She ended up in an oversized t-shirt that she had gotten from her dad the birthday before he died that read "Fishing Kicks Bass" and light blue jeans. She stabbed the button, impatiently sighing, "What?"

"Jacob," reported the concierge.

Leah first wondered why Jacob was showing up. He could have at least called or something, to spare her the mad rush to get human. Then she remembered, vaguely, calling him before she'd lost control and phased. She remembered what she'd said now: "Jake, it's me...help." She exhaled in relief. "Send him up."

Thirty seconds later, Jacob was at the door. He eyed her t-shirt, raising an eyebrow. "'Fishing Kicks Bass'?" he read incredulously.

"Shut up," Leah snapped. Jacob looked hurt. "Sorry. That was uncalled for. I'm just feeling a little pissy is all," she hastily apologized. Jacob's eyes changed from wounded to curious.

"Why are you pissy?" he asked. "You were fine this morning when I called. Then, that message you left me...well, it scared me shitless, Leah."

As she bit down on her lip in contemplation, Leah felt kind of like Keenan. Leah remembered the way he'd been screwing with his lip ring as he watched her. Should she tell Jake? She decided not to leave anything out; he was her best friend, after all. "Well, I _was_ fine this morning, but then I decided to find Keenan, which totally backfired on me. I saw him in Starbucks and he saw me and then when I looked at him I couldn't look away and then when I did all I did was run..." Leah choked off. "This afternoon," she continued, "I'd just made it home. I called you and then when you didn't pick up, I left you a message, hung up, and then lost control and phased. I've been a wolf until you got here."

"Oh, Lee-lee," Jacob sympathized, his eyes darting from Leah's face to the shreds of her clothes, then back again. The old Leah probably would have flinched at the old nickname Sam had given her years ago, but the nail bed Sam had once been in her life had turned into a goose down pillow, thanks to the power of the imprint. If Keenan ever did something like that to her, it would be more than a nail bed: it would be a knife to her heart.

Hesitantly, Jacob came closer and wrapped his arms around Leah's back. One tear trickled down her cheek, and she brushed it away fiercely. "I just want to find him and talk to him this time. No chickening out," Leah mumbled.

"I know," Jacob whispered soothingly, rubbing Leah's back in a comforting, familiar way. "I know."

-----

_If I were Leah, where would I be?_

Keenan knew it was a stupid question. He knew it was stupid that he was so infatuated with Leah Clearwater, but yet, he couldn't stop thinking about her. There was so much in his life he just couldn't deal with right now. And he really, really needed a beer.

At the moment, Keenan was sitting on a bus, taking him away from the center of Seattle and back to the suburbs. He was going to tackle one thing on his list at least, and was determined to make up with Tori. If everything worked out, he'd be back in Tori's apartment in no time. Then he could feed her an apology and get back in her good graces soon enough. With a roof over his head, he could figure out what he was going to do about everything.

Impatiently, Keenan yanked the stop rope and the bus skidded to a halt at the corner of the street Tori's apartment was on. He made sure he had both the bouquet of red roses, her favorite flower, and the gold-and-red box of dark chocolates before hopping out of the crowded bus. The trek from the stop to the complex was short, and Keenan was at apartment number thirty-one in no time. Cautiously, he knocked three times, each a short, loud rap. The door swung open.

"Keenan?" Tori asked, her voice aghast. Keenan gave his (ex?) girlfriend the once-over. She had on a black denim miniskirt, the same one she'd worn yesterday, worn over leather leggings. He noticed she had on his royal blue hoodie over her gray Slinky t-shirt. Her long hair was pulled over one shoulder and tied into a loose ponytail. Her blue eyes were only the smallest bit bloodshot—from what, Keenan had no clue—and were expertly lined in her signature cat-eyes style.

"Hey, Tori." Keenan shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. He presented her first with the bouquet, then the box. She took them in her arms, eyeing Keenan with curious wariness. "Um, I just came to say that I was sorry. For being a jackass and kind of ruining last night."

"You think _you're_ the jackass?" asked Tori, surprised. "_I'm_ the one who was a jackass. I totally overreacted about yesterday. I guess I kind of asked for it. I'm the one who asked you to tell me what you were thinking. And so what if you were thinking about other girls? I'm no Megan Fox, so I suppose you have the right..." Tori trailed off, an obvious hint. Keenan knew what she was getting at and decided to give her what she was looking for.

"Megan Fox has nothing on you, babe," he whispered seductively. He looked down at her with an alluring half-smile on his lips. "Can I come in?"

* * *

**hey ppl! just wanted to tell you that all chapters from here on out will be split between Leah and Keenan. review! and thanks for all the other reviews. read my other fics and enter my contest and vote in my poll pleaseee!**


	17. fifteen: searched

_fifteen: searched_

**BROCK**  
Aaron M., 147 E Stewart St.,148-3660  
Arthur, 2109 Constantia, Apt. 3,143-4116  
Bryan A., 90 Brown Ave.,138-1517  
Caroline T., 3134 Baldwin Dr.,249-8483  
Christopher, 801 Rolling Hills,414-0125  
C.J., 777 Lutz Circle,149-6000  
Emily R., 9126 Rathbone Dr.,242-2179  
Garrett, 68 Marshall Rd.,243-9641  
Hayley N., 709 Franklin Blvd.,429-5930  
Henry W., 1224 South Haven Ave.,419-7711  
Holly B., 15 Reed Rd., Apt 9,245-1204  
John A., 249 Greene Blvd.,417-2168  
John M., 411 Facinelli Tr.,242-1001  
John S., 5767 Reaser Dr.,417-1995  
Julia, 11 Corey St.,142-6914  
Keenan, 1491 Kilcher Ln., Apt 31,416-9547

Leah kept one finger right next to the name and searched frantically with her other hand through the junk drawer in her kitchen for a pen. She finally surfaced with one, and scribbled a star next to that name. She had the number. Now it was up to her to work up the nerve to call it.

With shaking hands, Leah picked up her house phone. Carefully, she typed in seven numbers, seconds passing in between each pressed button—4-1-6-9-5-4-7. She stared at the black numbers flashing against the backlit fluorescent orange screen. The colors clashed uncomfortably, and Leah didn't like looking at it. Her thumb hovered over the talk button, but she couldn't bring herself to press it.

"Come on, Leah," she urged herself. A small part of her wondered if she should be concerned that she was talking to herself. She ignored it. "C'mon, press the button. Just press the button. Press. The. Button."

And then she did. A low beep came from the speaker on the phone, and Leah slowly put the phone to her ear. A dial tone rang out, then another, then two more, before the answering machine picked up. The second her subconscious realized Keenan was speaking, the perpetual pain in her sides dissolved, no matter how temporary. "Hey, you've reached Keenan and Tori. We're either not here or busy. So leave a message after the beep!"

_Beep._

"Keenan," Leah began, then stopped. She didn't know what to say. So she just hung up. She stared at the strangely colored orange screen, infuriation seeping into her. "Ah, dammit!" she cried. She felt like hurling the phone at the wall, but quickly decided against that. She wished she could just press the redial button and try again, but she knew she wasn't that strong, and it wasn't that easy.

-----

The flashing light was apparent even in the darkness, a red glow that flicked on and off. Keenan flipped the light switch as he and Tori stepped back into the apartment that they once again were sharing. The flashing light was the answering machine, and Keenan went to check their messages. He wondered if Tori had changed the voice mail from "Hey, you've reached Keenan and Tori," to "Hey, you've reached Tori," but he decided he hadn't been gone long enough.

Lazily, Keenan reached for the phone and pressed the voice mail button. "You have one new message. First message sent today at 12:24 PM." And then a new voice, a breathy voice, was there, one that Keenan had not seen coming. All Leah said was, "Keenan." But it was enough. Oh, it was definitely enough. Enough for him to momentarily forget why he was back with Tori. Enough to make his senses tingle and for every hair on the back of his neck to stand up. And he hated himself for it. He watched Tori as she kicked off her shoes and tossed them into the bedroom, chanting in his head, _I love Tori. I love Tori._ He made himself believe, however temporarily.

Once Tori was out of sight—gone to the bathroom—Keenan slammed the phone back in the cradle and sank in an uncoordinated mess to the floor. What was his deal? He'd been with Tori since he was seventeen, longer than he'd been with any other girlfriend. Every single girl he'd ever dated before had been just a fling, a one-night stand, a distraction from the broken home he'd tried to forget about. But Tori was more to him. Or she had been more to him. What was it about this Leah that made his heart turn around so fast? It was like she'd put the world in fast-forward. Real love didn't happen that quickly, did it?

The toilet flushed, and the knob turned. Quickly, mechanically, Keenan pulled himself to his feet, smiling awkwardly for Tori's benefit. She gave him a once-over, a what-the-hell look in her eyes, and Keenan tried to smile more naturally. _Remember, Keen, you love her._ He loved her.

* * *

**sorry it's a little short. and in case anyone didn't get the beginning it was supposed to be a phone book. like Leah was looking up Keenan. and yes, it probably would be under Tori because it's Tori's apartment, but neither Leah or i know her last name, and for the sake of the story, just let it go. review then check out my other fics!**

**oh, and about the pen name...detailed explanation on my profile.  
**


	18. sixteen: distracted

_sixteen: distracted_

Option A was an epic failure.

Leah could see that now. She'd gone for her instincts, and had only come out with a fruitless interaction. She was so stupid for thinking that she stood a chance against mercilessly beautiful Tori. The time since her imprinting extravaganza was a mistake, all of it. A painful, unforgettable mistake.

So it was time for the second choice—onto ignoring Keenan. She would not let his name cross her mind ever again. His beautiful, unusual, unforgettable face would never haunt her subconscious again. When she closed her eyes, his voice would never plague her. She would not allow it.

_Distractions_. That's what Leah needed. She needed to do something that she could immerse the full use of her thoughts in. And when a girl needs a distraction, she thinks of one thing, regardless of age or race: shopping.

_Well, with my funds,_ Leah thought sarcastically, _I'll really be window-shopping_. But it served the same purpose. Leah changed out of the stupid "Fishing Kicks Bass" shirt and into a smocked babydoll tank in a tangerine shade that contrasted her russet skin nicely. She ditched the sweats in favor of maroon skinny cords and her slippers for Steve Madden espadrilles. She grabbed her tan faux-leather hobo bag and her Coach wallet (a gift—living on a four-days-a-week manicurist's salary could never afford her Coach) and stepped into the muggy Seattle air.

The sound of the soles of Leah's feet slapping against the backs of her sandals was pleasant. The sunlight was bright, nearly blinding, and Leah dug around in her bag until she located her H&M sunglasses. She put them over her dark eyes and kept walking, aiming for Saks Fifth Avenue.

Leah loved Saks. She loved the expensive dresses and the outrageous-yet-über-stylish, straight-off-the-runway outfits. She would try on high-waisted sailor jeans and foil-accented miniskirts, asymmetrical cardigans and eyelet dresses. When she walked in today, she poked around for a minute before she found it—The Dress.

It was black lace over red silk, a daring and gorgeous color combination. The cut of the dress might have been what drew Leah to it; it had an asymmetrical neckline that had one arm-hugging sleeve to the wrist. The other side was strapless, leaving the arm and shoulder bare. It ran tightly to a few inches above the knee with a lace hem. An enormous metallic silver belt cinched the waist. Leah was frozen.

Cautiously, Leah approached the mannequin wearing The Dress and reached gingerly to touch it. The rough lace was an interesting contrast to the smooth silk. It was love at first sight. If only Leah could afford it. She tore through the rack until she found her size. Minutes later, the silky smooth dress was on Leah. It hung on her body just the way she'd hoped. Carefully Leah opened the fitting room door to check herself in the three-way mirror.

Another girl was there, surprising Leah. She was wearing The Dress too, but she'd paired it with black and white cuff bangles, black leather leggings, and platform wedge ankle boots. The girl's ebony hair tumbled down her back to her waist in wild, gorgeous waves. Leah took a peek at the girl's face in the mirror.

It was Tori. And where Tori was, Keenan couldn't be far behind.

-----

The little ball on Keenan's Blackberry bounced up and hit the little bricks. The mini-game BrickBreaker wasn't as amusing and distracting as Keenan had hoped. Tori was trying on a—quote—perfect dress that she—quote—had to have. Whatever. Keenan wasn't a girl, so he couldn't understand their draw to shopping.

The fitting room door flew open, and a small girl rushed out in a burst of orange and red. Keenan gave her a quick passing glance, but then did a double take. "Leah Clearwater?"

She froze in her tracks. Slowly she turned around. Keenan got a good look at her face. She had huge brown eyes and thick black eyelashes like feather dusters. She had angular cheekbones, framed by her short pixie cut and long sideswept bangs that fell into her eyes. She was biting her lip so hard Keenan was afraid it would burst.

"Um, hi Keenan," she managed.

"How's it going?" Keenan tried to keep his voice light, to mask the rainstorm of emotions that was raging inside of him.

"Good," Leah squeaked. She sounded like she was choking.

Then the door burst open again, and Tori came out. "Ta-da!" she exclaimed, arms open wide, executing a twirl. Her mouth dropped open in horror when she saw Leah. "Keenan, who's this?" Tori's voice was hollow, masking her apparent fury, and Keenan was sure she knew who she was.

"Tori, this is Leah Clearwater."

* * *

**what? no reviews? *heaves dramatic sigh* what happened to everyone? well whatever i guess. review this one, and the last one too! then check out my MI fics (finally managed to get my meaty little paws on _City of Glass_ today!) and my other Twilight fics. ummm, so, yeah. bye.**


	19. seventeen: picked

_seventeen: picked_

It was all right in front of his eyes.

Two choices: loud or quiet, bright or dark. The girl who he'd spent the last two years of his life with or the girl who he'd spent the last two days of his life with. Physical pull or emotional pull. Simple affections or what could turn into something more.

He closed his eyes and pretended that he picked the second girl. It was like a flower unfolding. He saw walks in the park and passionate kisses and I-love-you-more fights and more than that, unconditional happiness. Real love.

That was when he realized that he wasn't responsible for making up his mind, how his mind had been made up ever since the first glimpse he caught of her face. There was no point in trying to sway fate. He didn't think of what would happen when he walked away. All he knew was that he had to walk away.

And with that, Keenan Brock picked Leah Clearwater.

* * *

**EEE! *squeals* well, review this, then read on!**


	20. eighteen: believed

_eighteen: believed_

**All your twisted thoughts free-float / Everlasting memories shown slow / 'Cause the star's with me /And you would wait for stupid calls returned / And the life we say to those who are in love / It can't be true 'cause we're too young / And now that's true because / So long I was so in love with you, so I thought / A year goes by and I can't talk about it / **

Four years of my life. What wasted time.

I was fifteen when I saw him first. But I knew he'd never pick a girl like me—the quiet, studious, mousy-brown type. So I became his type. Black hair, nails, makeup. I shocked my parents, shocked the world. But I didn't give a damn. Because all I wanted was Keenan.

**On my knees, dim-lighted room / Thoughts free-float, try to console myself in this / I'm not faithless / Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose / Ignorance is bliss, cherish it / Pretty neighborhoods, you learn too much too old / Believe it not / And fight the tears with pretty smiles and lies about the times / A year goes by and I can't talk about it / The times weren't right and I can't talk about it /**

I was sixteen when I kissed him first. It took torturous effort, but he'd noticed me. He really had noticed me. When his soft lips caught mine that first time, all I could feel was one continuous spark of electricity, like there was lightning connecting our tongues. And even though I hated the way I looked, I knew then that it was worth it.

**Chorus romance says goodnight / Close your eyes and I'll close mine / Remember you, remember me / Heard the first, the last between / Chorus romance says goodnight / Close your eyes and I'll close mine / Remember you, remember me / Heard the first, the last between / And I'm praying that we will see / Something there in between / Then and there, let's exceed all we can dream / So we can talk about it **_/_

I was seventeen when he lived with me first. We'd graduated early—a feat that old Tori had worked for and new Tori had managed to accomplish with Keenan by my side. I bought an apartment and invited him to room with me. We'd done more than kiss that night, that unforgettable night. My first time would forever be burned into my memory, that night when he'd said he loved me. I believed him.

**Chorus romance says goodnight / Close your eyes and I'll close mine / Remember you, remember me / Heard the first, the last between / Chorus romance says goodnight / Close your eyes and I'll close mine / Remember you, remember me / Heard the first, the last between / **

I was eighteen when things began to change. His heart wasn't in it anymore. I could tell. And a few days shy of nineteen, it was over.

Four wasted years. I hated Leah for ruining it. That afternoon, I made a stop at the salon to remove every single drop of that awful black dye from my hair. I threw away all the black eyeliner and nail polish and the leather leggings and the fishnet tights. I watched them burn in the trash can, ignited by a piece of paper that I'd written Leah's name on. It was juvenile, but it gave me some sense of satisfaction. She'd ruined my life. I would never forget.

**And I'm praying that we will see / Something there in between / Then and there, let's exceed all we can dream / So we can talk about it In all these twisted thoughts I see Jesus there in between / In all these twisted thoughts I see Jesus there in between

* * *

aw, poor Tori. i feel sorry for her. i wanted to have a sad ending, 'cause frankly, everything is a happy ending. i hope you liked it as much as i did. review. the song was "So I Thought" by Flyleaf. thanks for stickin' with "Journey"!!  
**


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